I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
