ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
