I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
