Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
