did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Everclear isn't food dammit
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
