How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
