brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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