Your dad touched me again.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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