I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This is my life. Enjoy the view
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
