just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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