i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
