and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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