he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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