The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She bit a glass in half.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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