And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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