i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
