Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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