At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
