The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
