I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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