You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She said her name was "party"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
