I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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