just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
