I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
