if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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