How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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