I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
