Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
