once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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