I accidentally had phone sex last night
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
