every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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