quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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