i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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