Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
