Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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