If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
