She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
