I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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