i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I AM VODKA MAN
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
