Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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