No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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