I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
