so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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