Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
