its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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