i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
