They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
