Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
