Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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