i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
