ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
