I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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